EFT Couples Therapy
The same fight, on repeat.
(it's not the dishes. it never was.)
You know how it goes. Something small happens, and within twenty minutes you're both hurt, defensive, and saying things you'll regret. Then quiet. Then normal. Until the next time.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is one of the most researched couples approaches out there. It works because it goes underneath the fight, to what each of you is actually asking for — and can't quite say.
What it looks like
You love each other. And you're stuck.
- The same argument, different content, on a two-week loop.
- One of you pursues; the other pulls away. Then it flips.
- You've stopped fighting about the real thing because it never goes anywhere.
- Sex, closeness, or plain-old warmth has quietly gone missing.
- You feel like roommates who share a Google Calendar.
- You've had The Talk about this before. Multiple times. Nothing changed.
How EFT works
We slow the fight down until you can see it.
(under every fight is a bid for closeness that got missed.)
EFT is not about compromise, communication tips, or fair-fighting rules. It's about the pattern. Every couple has one — a repeating dance where each of you plays the same role and neither of you gets what you actually need.
We identify your specific pattern, name the softer feelings under the defensive ones, and rebuild the emotional safety that lets you talk about hard things without it turning into a fight.
Most couples do EFT for 8–20 sessions. It's active work — I'll interrupt, slow you down, and help you both say what you actually mean.
What you'll actually do
Do the fight differently. In session. Together.
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01
Name the pattern
We identify the specific pursue/withdraw or criticize/defend cycle that runs your relationship. Once you can see it, you can step out of it.
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02
Find the softer thing
Under anger is usually hurt, fear, or loneliness. We practice saying that part out loud — to each other, not just about each other.
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03
Rebuild the reach
Small, repeated moments of turning toward instead of away. Not grand gestures. The Tuesday-night stuff.
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04
Repair, out loud
When the pattern kicks in — and it will — you'll have a way to name it in the moment and come back to each other faster.
Straight talk
When I'm not the right fit.
- There is active domestic violence in the relationship. Couples therapy is contraindicated; individual work and safety planning come first.
- One partner is having an ongoing affair they aren't willing to end. EFT can help after, but not during.
- You want me to tell you whether to stay or leave. That's your call — I'll help you get clear enough to make it.
If any of that is you, I'll say so on the consult and point you toward someone who's a better fit.
Common questions
Before you book.
- Do we both have to want this?
- You both have to be willing to show up. You don't both have to be 100% sure about the relationship — a lot of couples come in ambivalent and get clearer as we go.
- Do you take one side?
- No. My job is to be on the side of your relationship — even when one of you is easier to be on the side of that week.
- In-person or virtual?
- Both. Some couples find in-person helpful for the harder sessions; others prefer virtual so nobody has to drive home after.
Ready when you are.
A free 15-minute call. You tell me what's going on. I tell you honestly whether I'm the right fit.